Verbal Vomit
Not long ago, during a confrontation with an associate, I found myself the object of a complete visual assessment. This person took great care – and with great detail – to analyze my every facial expression, my posture, and even my disrespectful laugh (involuntary, by the way, and a gift courtesy of MS).
She took so much time evaluating all of these details – between her words of attack – that I am doubtful she heard much of what I had to say…which is unfortunate, because I feel that had she been silent long enough to truly listen, the relationship could have been taken to a whole new level – one that was meaningful, authentic, and reflective of the love that I know God desires we all cultivate.
For weeks after the conversation, I alternated between patting myself on the back for being the bigger person to being disappointed with myself for being such a chicken and not letting loose with all of the snappy comebacks that I had waiting in my arsenal. In fact, I was downright mad and dissatisfied with the entire experience. After all, she had her day in court. I never got mine. I was tried and convicted, with no opportunity to present my case.
But recently, I was emancipated from this emotional prison by a gentle reminder through God’s Word. At a conference I attended, the speaker shared from Proverbs 10:19 (MSG), “The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.” In her message, this woman encouraged me with a reminder that by holding back, I actually held more power over the situation.
Until the night of that conference, I never saw myself as being powerful in the situation. But this woman was standing there not only telling me I was powerful, I actually held more power than the other person in the incident.
It also reminded me of words that I once heard a very wise counselor say. “When confronting, be careful to avoid verbally vomiting on the other person. What I mean by this is when we ‘vomit,’ on another person, what we say makes us feel better, but our words really belong in the toilet.” The Word of God also provides a similar illustration. In that same chapter of Proverbs, I can read, “The speech of a good person clears the air; the words of the wicked pollute it.”
This is enough to make me be okay with this situation. I certainly don’t want my words polluting the air around me. The speaker’s reminder of my power in the situation makes me chuckle – because in addition to moving from feeling like a chicken to standing like a champion in this incident, if my associate thinks my facial expressions were out of line, wait until her own kids hit adolescence.
